ek se adhik; more than one

Long ago in the far reaches of youth, I had a dream. I wanted to have an apartment, a space of my own. A breathing space between father’s house and husband’s house, a place that will be wholly my own. Where I could collect things I valued, decorate to my liking, where I would invite my friends and would grow plants in my balcony. It was a statement of independence.

Life turned out to be extremely generous. Much more than a mere statement of independence, I have true independence. Of course, I realized that decorating is much too much work, that I have no aptitude to be a gardener, that balconies do not come standard, specially in cold climes and that I like to have the place to myself than always filled with friends. Being single meant, I could chose to work anywhere, which I did. I could decide to travel anywhere, with anyone, which I did. And most precious of all, I could spend long hours just staring into space, reading, learning to paint, appreciating art and music and what the modern world calls ‘finding myself’.

I had a thoroughly good time indulging myself. That is how it all felt, an indulgence. I realized my freedom was a rare species, not easily found among my friends. I also realized not everyone enjoys being alone, and was secretly scornful of those who could not bear their own company or love themselves as I seemed to do. But also was secretly getting a bit bored with Chetana, her concerns, her likes and dislikes, her attitudes.

I have decided to grow this one-man family a bit. Just one more. Small steps. What am I hoping to find? Someone who could use some company. Someone who would have some use for Chetana, other than Chetana herself. Someone who might still find the world, a place of wonder. Someone who can get excited out-of-proportion at a butterfly; who might find beauty in a crow pecking at the garbage. Someone who could show me the world through new glasses and force me to rediscover quantums of happiness in the mundane once again.

I have decided to adopt a child. Grow my world to ‘more than one’.

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PEREGRINATIONS

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